I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
