I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
