I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
