Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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