This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
