I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
