I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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