Ambien. No doubt about it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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