Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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