All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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