I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
