So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
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