i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
