I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
