Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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