I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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