at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize