She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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