Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
