She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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