too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
