I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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