Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The air was thick with penises
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
