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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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