I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
