He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
