Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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