The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I will be naked everywhere
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
