Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
