Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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