I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Reggie can tackle my bush.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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