dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Never underestimate the power of titties
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