im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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