All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
