I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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