Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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