he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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