I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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