I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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