I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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