At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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