You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
