She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
