xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
