Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize