We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
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We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
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Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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