She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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