Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
