I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
