She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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