Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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