I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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