one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
