btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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