member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Sober January is a disaster.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
