mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
