I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
