If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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