you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just gargled with NyQuil
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
