using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
