i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize