Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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