Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
