dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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