i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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