you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
