Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
