I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Actions speak louder than pants.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
