4 words: hood of his car
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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