Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
