They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
