He is such a slut. More and more my type.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
