No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
