I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
In other news, I just burned my penis
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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