He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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