margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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