So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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