He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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