i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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