listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
